On....Regrets

So today my commute involved deep thoughts about regret. As in, what's the purpose of it? I generally don't have regrets myself because everything that's happened to me has led me here, taught me lessons and made me who I am. Then why do we have regrets? If we have learned from what we've done or said that could have been handled better then why can't we just see it as a learning experience that has made us grow? I know I said I don't have regrets but maybe there are one or two things that I may have considered "tweaking" a little. Now that I work in Ventura I'm reminded, without my ability to control it apparently, of someone from my past whom I dislike. This person grew up here or went to high school here or something, and because they were the only person I knew from Ventura I associated it with that person. Now, annoyingly, every morning as I commute I think of that person. I think of why I dislike that person. I think of what I could have done a little differently in that situation so that I would still learn the life lesson I learned while at the same time not wasting so much of my early 20's. Then that line of thought just starts pissing me off. See? Regrets are useless and just end up making us grouchy. So I realized that I need to stop wanting to change anything about that situation no matter how tempting it may seem to think about it, because imagining a different scenario will NOT make me happier. In the end that's all regret is, imagining a different ending to your story. But like any good story its not all about the first page or the last page... its about all the pages in between.

On Time....Or the Lack Thereof

It's not supposed to be like this, of that I'm sure. Every minute of every day sucked up into the maelstrom of "gotta do this, get this done before that, can't be late for it, hurry hurry, rush rush rush!" Besides, I'm both Persian and a woman....this kind of time pressure rubs--no scrapes--vigorously against every grain in my body. Which, much like petting a cat the wrong way, results in some seriously loud screeching, hissing and claws. I spend my commute time thinking all of these "deep" thoughts, and I find myself coming back to this one time and again (no pun intended). There has to be another way. A way that we can slow down but still be productive, enjoy the moment without thinking about everything we have yet to do. Even as I type this I'm thinking about the bills I have to pay (online), the cleaning and laundry left to do, and what I'm going to be doing tomorrow and this week. It's not just me either, everyone I know is like this....but it's not right. It's not supposed to be. My reasoning through this always takes me to one solid fact. Life, from what I understand, wasn't like this in the 1950's. Then again, getting things like a car or a TV, new furniture or going on vacation were truly special because they weren't so easy to get. Now, we spend all of our time working to get these things (or their equivalents, ipads, iphones, anything else that starts with an "I" and conveniently starts to act up at exactly the same time as the newest version comes out....Scully and Mulder should have investigated that)so we can have them all, instead of just having one or two of these luxuries--because we feel we are entitled to them. Are we though? Do we realize we are paying so much more for them than we thought? Clearly I'm a victim of my own wants/greed/blindness/addiction. The first step is admitting you have a problem.

On Kindergarten Behavior.....

So, after carefully watching my kindergartner every morning (as well as all the other kids) while waiting for the bell to ring I finally realized something. That whole clique-lets be mean together-exclude others behavior starts between the age of 4 and 5. After the first two days of school I could see it already....the soon-to-be popular in elementary school girls, blonde hair and blue eyes making them all look like sisters, automatically (or maybe magnetically?) clumped together the instant they were in the gate. Others (mostly darker hair, or wearing glasses or slightly--but cutely--chubby) were left out in the sandbox to fend for themselves, or wandered walking alone along the curbs of the sandbox desperately trying to seem entertained by themselves. It hurts to watch. I saw one poor little chubby bespectacled girl get snubbed by another girl--hair slicked back into a cute braid and trendy clothes on. My heart felt a little stab on her behalf. Her face showed that she didn't know what to do or say, but she flushed bright red and looked very, very sad, that kind of straight into the soul sad that only little kids can show so easily and honestly. Every morning I watch the same course of events unfold and every time I wonder to myself "Doesn't his/her parent see that?" I know they do, because they are standing right there outside the gates watching too, but it doesn't register a bit on their face. Not even a flicker....and each time another small ounce of my pounds of faith in man disappears. It's a limited supply.

My Dear Blog

Dear Blog, It's been so long since I've posted. I feel like I need to put my thoughts down again, so here we are. I know you've missed my Jack Handy-esque deep thoughts. More to come....I'm building suspense. Love, Cammy

Haiku Time...Yes, Get All Kinds of Excited

the following are haiku inspired by how i've spent my vacation time....

Wedding Planning is
Like driving nails through my head.
I can't take no mo'.

Wedding videos
make me vomit all over
Eric's clean carpet.

To have and to hold
In time of sickness and health
Till debt do you part.

Hermits must be the
happiest people on earth.
They don't need make-up.

Clean clothes? Whatever.
Wear my jeans from yesterday
And the dogs don't care.

Something Inspired By My Dog

Yes, Ally has inspired on-the-spot haiku:

Ally lets one go
With a soft "pop!" from her ass
Alert level: Red!

I am going to bark
At the slightest sound outside
Just to scare Cammy

Look at my Dobby
eyes; you know you can't resist--
Give me a treat now

Life is so damn hard
Laying in the sun all day
I am *EXHAUSTED*

Haiku Time Again

On Neurology
Always looking at the clock
Waiting to go home

No one is perfect
I'm lactose intolerant
Although I love cheese

The cute boys at school
Make Eric a jealous guy
But he's number one

I'm a creature of
Procrastination, but can't
Stand it in others